Becoming Guilty for Love

Travis Reed of The Work of the People (TWOTP) edited this video from a Zoom call we shared during the COVID pandemic.

The Tattoos

They weren't supposed to be seen when I got them — I thought they'd be small. Each one has a mistake on it, which keeps me humble. They're from Milton's Paradise Lost.

Abdiel's Refusal

There's an angel named Abdiel. After Satan and the fallen angels are cast into Hell, they start waking up. Satan's already determined to stay and make it Pandemonium — make Hell into something rather than serve in Heaven — and he sells this plan to his second in command, convincing everyone there's no hope of turning back.

Abdiel fought in the war against Michael and lost, like all the other fallen angels cast into Hell. He hears Satan make his appeal — better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven — and Abdiel says no. There's no place we can go where we aren't reachable by God. Let's learn from our mistakes and go back and be reconciled. Milton apparently saw himself in this character too. It's the transition from one book to the next — Abdiel flies back across the abyss and is welcomed into paradise, where he meets a golden cloud that says: Servant of God, well done. Well hast thou fought the better fight, who single hast maintained against revolted multitudes the cause of truth, in word mightier than they in arms.

Reading It in a CO Application

I read that passage in the middle of my conscientious objector application and I cried. My lieutenant was apparently making threats about me to other enlisted guys — this was before I got reassigned, after I'd made it clear I was going through with it. To stand approved in sight of God, though worlds judged thee perverse — that line really stood out.

The Burnt Wing

I've thought about getting a burnt or melted wing — I don't know if I will — thinking of Icarus, flying too high, getting burned, coming down. But also thinking of Abdiel, the devil's advocate: the idea that if the gates of Hell are going to prevail, it means we're already there, and we need people who've been there and can show the way back.

That figure plays heavily in my own personal narrative — going to places nobody wants to go, like defending Confederate statue removal in the interests of those society wants to forget, and who frankly often want to be forgotten themselves. A lot of vets go off to Alaska, Montana — they just want to get away from everybody. There's a certain tragedy in that, even though they're welcome to it. It says something about us that the people who feel strongly enough about our ideals to fight and die for them, when they're done, don't want anything to do with everybody else. That says as much about us as it does about them.

How Far Does Love Go

There's no distance it won't go. That's what I love about Bonhoeffer — he never said what he was about to do, what he was going to help support, was good. In fact, he said he was becoming guilty by doing it. I think that's precisely what Christ does on the cross. It's not about purity, not about keeping your fingernails clean. It's about getting your feet and your nails dirty to go after the lost sheep. That's the God I worship.